The Insidious, Life-Depleting Wanker Known as Coffee

I used to not understand why people were so gung-ho about coffee.

Then, I entered recovery from the underlying causes and conditions of addiction.

The irony is just off-the-charts and gross, that most 12-step meetings provide one of the world’s most habit-forming psychoactive substances to people in recovery.

That’s how my coffee fixation began.

Around then, I also started a morning practice of reading and journaling. Sitting on my back porch, enjoying the fresh air and sunrise while self-reflecting and absorbing inspiring information; It seems this would have been a powerful practice all by itself, but with my oversized mug of scorching black coffee? It became downright magical.

Until… it wasn’t.

By the time my honeymoon period with coffee wore off, it was a typical, “Damned if you do or don’t,” situation.

I basically could not function without it.

I was constantly tired or jittery, often both.

Sometimes I’d be so tired that everything in me screamed for sleep, but insomnia had its merciless way with me.

With or without caffeine I was taken way aback by my own irritability, short-temperedness, and impaired problem-solving skills.

As with many of my addictions, I came to rely on it more and more just to get through the day, all while feeling like a total slave.

Coffee was not my first rodeo with caffeine, of course, being no stranger to soda and energy drink habits formed as a teenager.

But coffee was the back-breaking straw to the poor old camel.

When I tried my morning ritual without it, it was like the color was drained from the world and I felt distant and withered.

I kept trying to quit, but caffeine addiction is particularly insidious because it’s so damn easy to justify. On the surface, the benefits are easier to spot than the caveats. It’s about the most socially acceptable substance on the planet. It generally does not produce enormous, life-upheaving consequences, or if it does, it does so with stealth and plausible deniability.

Caffeine ultimately lands itself in the Hall of Fame of my vices. Substances and behaviors that if only I could control or practice in moderation, life would just be golden.

But if there is a way to moderate these behaviors and substances, I haven’t found it.

I’ve tried literally thousands of times, each instance resulting (sooner or later) in flailing about once again up Excess River without a paddle or a clue.

With renewed determination, I started looking into ways that people have successfully and sustainably nixed their caffeine addiction.

Much to my confliction, one of the first things I found was some YouTube video espousing the theory that caffeine consumption is single-handedly responsible for the development of modern civilization.

On second thought, modern civilization might be slightly overrated, so I kept searching for resources, information, testimonials, anything.

And I found something… interesting. In some ways, a real game-changer.

(To be continued, if I feel like it)